Wrecking Ball
by Anei
Summary: The shifted reality of Kaiba's mind trying to protect him from the truth.
1. Chapter 1

This story is simply for pleasure. I gain no profits.

Author: Well this was supposed to be Kaiba and Jounouchi falling in love so recklessly and so helplessly. Somehow it warped into something I never knew I could write. I'm worried that my romance one-shots will turn into angst stories. I don't like angst. I don't like feeling sad inside. I like happy feelings. This is not happy. This is deranged. "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus inspired this story. There will be a short epilogue that follows. Maybe next time, it will be a romantic love story? Then again, aren't they more prone to have some kind of tragic love story?

"Wrecking Ball"

He fought. That's what Kaiba, Seto did.

His real parents were a shadow, a flicker of a distant past; something that was and never would be.

Gozaburo was the air he would breathe, the food he would eat, and the nightmares in his sleep, the voices he heard and the people he saw. That was his life now. A constant battle, a constant war with a man that was dead. That was how he lived.

So Kaiba, Seto continued to live. He continued to breathe, to eat and to sleep.

Long ago he had wondered, if he killed himself, wouldn't he win the war? Win against Gozaburo? He couldn't reach him in death, could he? That was a chance he didn't want to take. Kaiba was not a risk taker.

If there was one thing Gozaburo could not touch, it was Mokuba. In this life, in the soldiers and the shadows of Gozaburo it could not taint Mokuba.

He had kissed the devil that was Gozaburo and now he was trapped under his spell.

That became what Kaiba accepted in life: a constant war between a ghost and shadows.

"Oh, don't have your geek squad to protect you, Mutt?" Kaiba clenches his teeth during the altercation. Watching as Gozaburo face twisted in anger.

"Kaiba! You bastard! Fuck you!" _Oh don't cry poor little Seto your parents are just dead. I'll make a man out of you. _Kaiba glared into Gozaburo's beady brown eyes.

"Stay in the dirt, where you belong." With a quick punch, he watched as Gozaburo's face hit the dirt from the impact and got up, walking away with a satisfied smirk.

"**Just look at me, you fucking bastard! I'm not done with you." **

Kaiba looked back, had he heard something? He only saw Gozaburo laughing as he wiped away the blood from his lip.

No. The bastard could stay in the ground.

He hated school. It brought the worse of Gozaburo. He always felt like an electric current was zapping through his body. Lessons, evil or good in nature always made him feel vulnerable. To what, he couldn't tell, but he wouldn't let Gozaburo get the better of him.

"You seem…a little more pensive today, Seto."

"Pensive, Mokuba? Where did you learn that word?" The brunette smiled at the little boy, distracted from that tingling of apprehension he felt earlier in the day.

"In an American movie," Mokuba giggled and placed his hand on his brothers. "Really though Seto, I've never seen you so concentrated like that."

The older boy looked away in the distance, to a memory he tried to remember. "You'll think I'm crazy if I tell you."

"Please, you know I wouldn't."

The brunette pursed his lips thoughtfully. "I felt, for a moment, like the world tilted—" He became silent for a moment. Did he really want to admit it? Would that make it real?

"Hummm." The small boy encouraged soothingly.

"It was just a moment, but something felt different. Like the air tasted different." The brunette became more agitated as he tried to piece it together.

"It's okay Seto. You'll figure it out. Maybe, it will happen again?"

Kaiba wasn't sure if he _did_ want it to happen again. However it did happen again, almost a month after. Long enough for him to feel like it was a dream, almost long enough for him to forget it happened.

This time it was a hum. He couldn't tell where it came from, couldn't see who hummed the melody but he knew it wasn't Gozaburo. His breath hitched in his throat. He noticed how the air tasted sweeter, almost like honey. An ache formed in his lower lobe. It was a quick flash and then he drowned in a memory he'd forgotten from something that once happened. From something he thought would never be again.

"You have that look again." Mokuba had told him between bites of sushi.

Kaiba remained silent for a moment, thinking about it. "I saw mom today." He told him softly after a while.

"How was she?" The brunette frowned. It was incredulous. How could Mokuba seem so casual? Their mother was dead.

_She is dead. _Gozaburo taunted next to Mokuba.

"Seto, don't look at him. Look at me."

"I—" Kaiba's breath hitched in his throat and burned him like acid. Gozaburo glared at him from across the table. His eyes becoming black as fury engulfed him. "I—" He tried again.

"Seto." Mokuba's voice was firm and the brunettes eyes returned to him once again. "How was she, Seto?"

In a distant part of his brain, Kaiba felt as though this had been taboo. Something, they shouldn't talk about. That it was not normal.

"She was humming. She hummed all the time when she was distracted." The brunette admitted.

"I remember," Mokuba admitted softly and reached out and touched his brother's fisted hand. "I don't remember her doing it, just that feeling. Does that make sense Seto?"

"I may not be the best judge of that, Mokuba." Kaiba confessed.

Mokuba only laughed and smiled to him. "Don't be silly."

Kaiba had been running late for school that morning. There had been a problem at work that took him longer to fix than he anticipated. Going through the school doors, he felt the familiar chill in his bones. Gozaburo's shadows flickered quickly along the hallways beckoning him. He'd stare them down as best as they could, trying to will them away from existence. Suddenly they distorted and he heard the hum again. The sound soothed him, the chills melting and becoming molten fire that ease the ache in his heart. An ache, he hadn't known was there. In frenzy he chased the vibrations—the hums of his mother.

Once he was close, he noticed how Gozaburo's darkness couldn't smolder the flickering light. In desperation he touched out to it, trying to grab it before it disappeared from him. The shadow that surrounded the light became nothing.

The humm became a strangled cry caught between a 'what'.

A throbbing pain formed in his head. He couldn't understand what had happened. Caught between his fingers were tendrils of blond hair. In awe he fingered it gently and felt as mystified when the blond boy looked at him with such doleful brown eyes. Instinctually Kaiba pushed away the bangs from the boy's eyes.

Kaiba remained quiet as he examined him. He knew him, he was sure, but who was he?

"Oh, now you want to look at me?"

Kaiba kept quiet. Hadn't a voice from long ago, a pestering voice keep demanding that he looks at him?

"I should be angry with you. I _am _angry with you. I don't have time today Kaiba, I'm late for class." In absolute bewilderment he watched as his hand softly brushed the boys cheek as he walked away, a frown present on his face. Kaiba savoured the warmth on his fingers as he followed the blond.

When they entered the classroom, he noticed how he could still see the boy. Just like Mokuba. He continued to observe as he watched Gozaburo's shadows try to drown him and suffocate him. Gozaburo brought down a ruler on the boys arms and began to shout to him.

Kaiba felt the chill return to his bones, unsure what this all meant. He fought the urge to push Gozaburo away from his victim and fought for what little sanity he though he had left.

"It happened again," the older boy told his brother the same night.

"You look happier today." The young boy cooed in respons.

"It's… I… I met someone." Kaiba finally worded.

The black haired boy remained quiet from sometime, trying to figure out the best thing to say. "Don't let them go, then Seto."

"…Let them go…" The brunette echoed, lost in his own thoughts.

For many more days, Kaiba continued to watch the blond, Jounouchi. The name triggered something in his mind that he couldn't piece. Something he knew he should have known but didn't. A person he met before but overlooked.

Day after day, he noticed how Gozaburo could not snuff out Jounouchi and that he remained despite how often Gozaburo shoved, smacked and yelled at him. From time to time, the blond would send Kaiba an exasperated look and tell him to mind his own business. In less polite sentences of course.

Yet, he couldn't. He was enthralled. Taken away completely. For days he walked around in a daze. Sometimes, he noticed when Jounouchi would touch a shadow, something would happen. A distortion in the shadows, for a moment he would see another person. The silhouette, sometimes a full figured person smiling back at the blond.

"You seem lost Seto. I've never seen you like this."

Kaiba agreed with his brother. He couldn't ever remember feeling like this. "What do you think of… Jounouchi?" The brunette hesitated asking him.

Jounouchi was only in his mind, wasn't he? Although, the brunette figured that Mokuba usually knew these things. Like he could understand— almost like he could see Gozaburo leering at them from the kitchen. Almost like Mokuba could see the ghost and shadows lurking around them.

"Jounouchi?" Mokuba asked excitedly.

Kaiba wondered once again, should he know who Jounouchi was? Was he someone he knew before he had become a shadow?

"Jounouchi, the blond, that one?" Mokuba asked as excited.

"Yeah, him." The brunette's eyebrows furrowed.

For a long while Mokuba stayed quiet and observed his brother. Trying to understand something. Trying to piece things together.

"He's good." The small boy said after several moments. "He's always there if you need help."

"How well do you actually know him, Mokuba…he's—" Kaiba stopped talking, trying to understand what Jounouchi was.

"Seto…" Mokuba became silent again struggling to say the right thing. "Seto, is he the one you met?"

Both brothers looked at each other, both trying to understand one another.

"He was." The brunette admitted.

A tear slipped down Mokuba's cheek and he jumped and hugged his brother tightly. He sobbed will asking he's brother never to let Jounouchi go.

For a couple of days after, Kaiba stayed on edge. Watching Jounouchi, expecting something to happen. Nothing did. Mokuba never brought it up, only smiled at him happily the following days.

It was from there Kaiba was faced with his options. He could keep things as they were. He could pretend Jounouchi was not _there _or he could keep him, like Mokuba said.

Had his brother ever lead him wrong?

It was during lunchtime, when Kaiba watched Jounouchi laughing happily to an invisible ghost, that he decided he would keep him, no matter what. If anything, it would send Gozaburo in frenzy. That always satisfied him.

"Jounouchi," he watched the boy look up at him, his eye narrowed down in suspicion. It was the first time he talked to him since he'd _seen_ him, Kaiba realized. "May I sit with you this afternoon?"

He felt some kind of hush spread around him, like a mist had fallen. Noticed that the shadows became silhouettes for a moment until it vanished again.

Kaiba remained impassive as the blond continued to stare him down.

"It's a free country, do what you want Kaiba."

He did and he continued everyday afterwards. Kaiba remained silent, but he watched the blond as he animatedly interacted with the silhouettes. From time to time, the blond would give him a hard look but remained impassive as he turned back to the silhouettes.

Then something thrilling happened. They began to talk. It was more bickering, Kaiba realized, but it wasn't malicious. He began to notice everything about the blond. He noted that sometimes he wouldn't eat or that he forgot his lunch. Unconsciously, Kaiba brought more food during lunchtime and grinned heartily when the blond would take his food and tell him it was wasted on him.

It was a comfortable peace. Even Gozaburo could do very little around the blond.

"How are you today?" Kaiba had asked him one day, a few weeks after they started having lunches together. The blond had a bruised lip and irrationally Kaiba wondered if Gozaburo had gotten to him.

Jounouchi looked at him for a while unsure what to say.

"Why?"

Kaiba remained clueless at the question and repeated what the blond said, "Why what?"

A small grin formed on the boy's lips. "Fuck, it doesn't really matter. Take it as it come, right?" He replied casually and then smiled at him.

When Gozaburo had entered his life, he had put his heart away and chained it up. Yet, in front of the blond, the latches and locks became undone and he almost toppled over from the tight squeeze around his heart.

A new sensation filled him. There was a loud bustling, staccato noises, voices all around him and he watched as Gozaburo's shadows disappeared and the silhouettes became people. He felt Jounouchi's arm go around him, holding him up.

"What's wrong?" His voice sounded panicked.

He gripped Jounouchi's shoulder tightly as he looked around him then he turned to the blond firecracker. In turn Jounouchi only looked more panicked upon looking at him.

"This isn't a fucking joke Kaiba." The brunette could do nothing but laugh and hold onto the boy.

Instinctually in a panic, Jounouchi did the first thing he thought of and punched him across the face.

He became a little satisfied when the brunette stopped laughing and looked up to him with a raised eyebrow. As a safety precaution he took a step away from the male, a look of worry on his face.

"I was fine until you punched me." Kaiba scowled as he stood up, rubbing his jaw a little.

"Fuck you!"

Kaiba looked on amused as Jounouchi walked away, fuming and swearing at the people in the hall.

During suppertime that night, Mokuba kept looking at him with a slight frown.

"Jounouchi came to see me after school." The brunette looked up in surprise at his brother.

"He did?"

"Ya, I've never seen him look so paranoid and I wondered if… if it had to do with…" Mokuba became mute, unable to voice his thoughts.

"Gozaburo disappeared today with his ghost and shadows."

The smile Mokuba sent him was breathtaking. Mokuba then laughed and cried as he held his brothers hand.

The next few days, Jounouchi ignored him as best as he could. Sending him dirty looks from time to time. It was only a week later when he'd cornered him on the roof of the school so he could finally talk to him.

With a frown he noticed the blond now had a swollen bruise on his cheek. It made him angry for a moment, wanting to get back at Gozaburo, but then his anger fell as quickly as it began.

Gozaburo was gone. He hadn't seen him again.

"How are you today?" Kaiba asked nonchalantly as he sat next to the blond.

"I'm fine." Jounouchi answered curtly.

"What did Mokuba tell you?" The brunette questioned after a while.

Jounouchi turned and looked at him with a hard look, his lips in a tight line.

"He told you about Gozaburo?" Kaiba continued again.

Jounouchi's look faltered for a moment and he became somber. "No, he didn't." He said silently. Shyly he grabbed Kaiba's hand.

"Tell me about it."

Kaiba remained silent. What did he have to say? He looked back at the blond and smiled lightly, his heart fluttering happily in his chest.

"He's gone."

Jounouchi then began to hum a melody.

Unconsciously Kaiba brought Jounouchi's hand against his chest as he listened to him hum.

So much like his mother once hummed.

Although Gozaburo had left, Kaiba found himself struggling with this new reality. He'd been in a world with shadows and now he was surrounded by thousands of people. It was exhausting to say the least. He would often recoil when someone tried to get close to him.

The only constant was Jounouchi and his fights— no, their bickering. From time to time, Kaiba would have flashes of memories or dreams; he wasn't sure, of Jounouchi and himself fighting bitterly. It was hard to tell if they were real. Jounouchi never called him 'moneybags' nor did the brunette call him 'mutt' in this reality. He didn't want to know if it was real either. Even if it was real, it felt like it was from a long time ago.

"Are you gonna eat that?"

Kaiba was pushing around a piece of his cheesecake in his container. For a moment, he was going to eat it just to spite him but decided otherwise and pushed the container to the blond.

Jounouchi's friends always remained stiff and on edge with him around. Their chatter quiet among themselves, always like a secret they needed to keep.

"Kaiba, we were going to have a sleep-over, or a game night tonight, would you like to come?" Yugi looked away, unable to keep his gaze.

"Yugi! I said I didn't want him there!" Jounouchi flicked the fork and a bit of the icing hit Yugi's face.

"Jou!" Both Anzu and Yugi scolded.

"I'm busy tonight." Kaiba answered un-phased.

"Oh, okay, well if you ever change your mind. Please come over." Yugi smiled meekly and gathered his things as Anzu and Honda did the same.

Jounouchi remained sitting, reaching out to the brunette's untouched food.

"What are you doing tonight?" Jounouchi asked between bites of the sandwich.

"Mokuba and I spend time together on Fridays. Movie night."

The blond sent him a fleeting look.

"Oh yeah, what movie?"

"Don't know, usually I let him pick it out."

"How is Mokuba… I haven't seen him in a while." The blond asked with trepidation.

"Mokuba? He's been good. He's grown an inch, actually."

The blond smiled warmly at him, "ya he's a shorty, think he'd be as tall as you?"

The brunette took a moment, pretending to ponder. "Of course not, he takes after my mother. She was a small woman."

For a moment, Kaiba's watched Jounouchi, a small smile on his lips and he looked at him with doleful eyes.

"Can I come?"

The question took him aback. "You'll ditch your little friends?"

"Sure."

Kaiba remained silent for a pause. Mokuba had said he liked Jounouchi. He also wanted to spend more time with him, he supposed.

"Mokuba would like that." He agreed after a while.

After school, Jounouchi had somehow tagged along and jumped inside the limo before he could protest.

"We only watch movies during night time." Kaiba typed at his laptop in frustration. When the blond didn't answer him, he noticed that Jounouchi looked uncomfortable, often shifting in his seat and wringing his shirt unconsciously.

"What is it?" The brunette demanded impatiently.

The blond glared at him his nose crunched up in anger and then he took a deep breath, relaxing his features.

"What's the very first thing you remember about me, Kaiba?"

The brunette looked up in annoyance. "Leave me alone, Jounouchi."

In frustration, Jounouchi closed the laptop screen on Kaiba's hands then pushed it away and he grabbed Kaiba by the collar.

"It's a fucking simple question Kaiba. Tell me. The very first thing you remember of me. The first day we met. Tell me." The blond had taken the liberty to jab his point finger in his chest between certain articulations.

Kaiba tried to push him away, but Jounouchi remained steadfast. A large dull manifested itself in his frontal cortex.

"In the hallway! When you were humming! We were both late for class. Now get your hands off me." Jounouchi let go of him as he shoved him back. "What's your problem, anyways?" Kaiba asked as he patted down his clothes of wrinkles.

When Jounouchi remained silent he looked up at him. The blond stared out into space, a small frown etching itself on his face.

"I think I heard you humming before, maybe…" Kaiba admitted a while after, when Jounouchi refused to look at him.

Jounouchi let out a sigh and his lip twitched in a grimace.

"Kaiba…"

The brunette looked up at the blond, anxiously, unsure how to respond. Why was the blond being so weird? A large foreboding feeling settled inside Kaiba.

"Sometime, I have dreams I saw you before."

Jounouchi looked at him with a guarded expression. "Tell me about them."

"We're always fighting and I keep calling you a mutt." The brunette held his head tightly, his headache intensifying. "But, it's not you I'm calling a mutt… it's Gozaburo. You guys keep flickering and switching."

Jounouchi's expression remained impassive. "When is the first time you met Yugi?" the blond continued.

"At lunch, the day after you punched me for asking how you were." It sounded wrong, as if it wasn't true. Something about it felt wrong to say. That was when he saw him, wasn't it?

"Kaiba give me your hand."

Unsure of what else to do, he held out his hand.

"Do you remember how you got his scar Kaiba?" Jounouchi asked as he traced a long scar from the side of Kaiba's wrist until the sleeve no longer gave him access.

"From Gozaburo."

"How long ago was that, Kaiba?"

Kaiba had to think back for a moment, trying to remember exactly when it was. "Maybe four or five months ago?" He remembered.

Jounouchi clenched his jaw, his lips in a tight line.

"When did Gozaburo die again Kaiba?"

"When I was twelve, when I took over Kaiba Corp."

Jounouchi hummed in acquiescence. "It's your eighteen birthday coming up in a couple of months, isn't it? Any big plans?"

There was a quick distortion, Jounouchi becoming a shadow for a moment until his light flashed in angry annoyance, the shadows dissipating as if burned. He couldn't help but grunt from the massive headache that was forming.

"Mokuba and I always go to the beach."

With a resigned sigh, Jounouchi stood up and sat next to the brunette and preceded to grab his hand, to fill the silence Jounouchi began to hum again.

"When was the first time you meet me?" Kaiba asked after a long silence.

Jounouchi's hand clench tightly around the brunettes in anxiety, "In philosophy class one day, it made me wonder what does it mean to actually 'meet' someone." In distraction, the blond began rubbing Kaiba's hands between his own.

"You can say hello and goodbye to someone, but that's like a greeting. Superficial. Meeting someone, _really_ meeting who 'Kaiba, Seto' is or who I am…the actual person they are. It's made me wonder, have we actually _met_ someone when it wasn't under a superficial pretense?"

"Have you ever met me, Jounouchi?" Kaiba asked in sarcasm, humoring the blond.

It was only after a long pause Jounouchi finally answered him.

"I did, five months ago."

The world started tilting again. It wasn't pleasant this time. Almost like an explosion, Gozaburo blasted from every direction. The darkness and shadows multiplying exponentially until it began drowning him. He tried screaming, but nothing seemed to come out from his throat and it didn't matter how many times he hit Gozaburo, he still remained.

"**Look at me right now!"**

He almost didn't hear it over Gozaburo's laughter. Almost didn't hear it over Gozaburo's taunts and jeers. With no recourse, with nothing to protect him, Kaiba pulled his knees to his chest.

_You pathetic boy. _

_I adopted a loser._

_You're an embarrassment to the Kaiba name. _

_What do you have to show for yourself?_

_You're the reason you're alone. You killed your parents, you killed them all Seto. _

"Seto." Mokuba sat next to him, sounding annoyed. "You said you would keep Jounouchi. Are you breaking your promise?"

"Mokuba…" the words became lost, drowned and silenced by Gozaburo's screams.

"Look at me."

The brunette shook his head. "No, Mokuba…" Couldn't Mokuba understand?

"Open your eyes and look at me."

"Mokuba!" The brunette could only continue shaking his head as he held his head tighter as if it would diminish the headache and the pain.

"Look at me!"

With resignation, Kaiba finally opened his eyes. He rubbed his forehead roughly trying to make sense of things. Where was Mokuba?

"Kaiba." Jounouchi asked, his eyes glowing in concern. The brunette noticed that the blond was so close to him; it was only his eyes that he could see.

"Gozaburo! He was here!" Kaiba lashed out, afraid that Gozaburo was simply hiding from them for the moment.

Not knowing what else to do, Jounouchi held Kaiba in a tight hug.

"Kaiba. What was the last thing I told you?"

Still distraught, Kaiba fought against the arms that detained him.

"What was the last thing I told you?" The boy repeated.

How long had Kaiba been assaulted by Gozaburo? How long ago was it since he's last seen Jounouchi?

"I don't know."

"What was the last thing I told you, Kaiba?"

Kaiba stopped fighting against the blond and opted to lean against him.

"It's been a while, I don't remember."

Things were jumbled. His days were inconsistent. Fragments of his memories chipped off. When had been the last time he'd even seen Jounouchi? Why was he even here with him?

"How long did Gozaburo keep you?"

How long had it been this time?

"Three days…"

The shadow wisped passed them for a moment, but Jounouchi's light was too bright.

"What was the last thing I told you?"

There was something missing. A gap. Like it had been erased from his mind. He could almost remember talking to Jounouchi, but his voice never reached his ears. Maybe if he concentrated more, he could read his lips? Kaiba replayed the instance in his mind over and over again, but every time Jounouchi said something else.

"What do you remember?" Kaiba was almost startled by his voice so close in his ear.

"You keep talking but I can't hear you."

"Why can't you hear me?"

The brunette fisted Jounouchi's shirt in frustration. If he knew, he wouldn't have this problem. Why was his head blank? Had Gozaburo done something to him? Drugged him so he couldn't remember?

Maybe there was something the blond told him that he didn't want to remember? There was a shift again. He gasped, afraid that Gozaburo would come.

"What's happening Kaiba?"

The voice brought him back. In a panicked frenzy Kaiba held tightly to Jounouchi. Couldn't Jounouchi see the shift?

"It's tilting! It's shifting again!" As the brunette continued to speak, he noticed Gozaburo sitting opposite him.

"Look at me. Look only at me." Jounouchi held Kaiba's chin roughly and stared down at him.

Agitated, Kaiba tried to break free, if there was one thing he knew well, it was that you couldn't take your eyes of Gozaburo.

"Fuck Kaiba, trust me and look only at me." Jounouchi leaned down on him, holding his head so tightly he couldn't move or budge. He could only see Jounouchi's glowing amber eyes.

It was only for a moment, but his eyes flickered to Mokuba's grey eyes and flickered back to amber as quickly.

"What happened?" The blond demanded forcefully, slightly banging Kaiba's head in the wall behind him. "Why did it shift Kaiba? What were you thinking of?"

Kaiba wanted to yell at him, shove him and punch him. What did anything have to do with what he thought? Gozaburo would get them. It didn't matter where they were. Couldn't the mutt understand that? It didn't matter if Gozaburo was dead. He would still get them. He would find them and he would kill them.

"Why do you hate my dueling strategy so much Kaiba?"

He was thrown off by the question, before he could even think about it he answered. "Because you're a second rate duelist that relies only on luck!"

There was a heavy silence and the world became quiet again. There were flashes of Jounouchi and his friends, flashes of Mokuba, flashes of things that made sense to him but didn't want to understand. Until in a haze it finally stopped on Mokuba smiling at him, his lips opened but no voice resonated.

_Look at me, I love you._

It was then Kaiba felt the shift, something that prevented him from going further.

"How do you duel Kaiba?"

"Logic, reasoning and facts." He answered automatically.

Jounouchi leaned his head against the brunettes and let out a breath he had been holding.

"What happened five months ago?"

"Gozaburo…" Kaiba paused, his head pounding. Kaiba tried to make sense of what was happening. There were so many images flashing through his mind.

He could see Yugi. The day he went to the Kame Game Shop for the Blue Eyes White Dragon. Things moved quickly, he stood on the edge of a castle, Yugi's monster ready to throw him off from the blast. They were side-by-side dueling cloaked masked men. Watched as Yugi hugged Jounouchi. Losing his duel against Yugi. Obelisk. Marik . God cards. The Big Five. The Legendary Beasts.

Jounouchi gave him thumbs up and then proceeded to give him thumbs down trying to convey Kaiba would lose. An obnoxious laughter that was interrupted by snorts and howls, the blond holding his stomach gasping for breathe and tears in his eyes. Jounouchi fighting with him. Winning every duel against the blond. Jounouchi held his fist offensively to him and calling him Money Bags. The blond coming to school with a black eye, in different instances Jounouchi coming to school with different injuries. Often his memories rested on Jounouchi looking into space, lost to the world during class. How teachers always gave the blond extra homework and lectures when they could. Jounouchi called to the principal's office. From time to time when the geek-squad had to hold Jounouchi back from getting in a fistfight.

Slowly the memories shifted to something more delicate. Jounouchi shot him a smile from the doorway. A twinkle in the other boys eyes that made his heart flutter.

Playing chess against Mokuba. Curling up to his brother in bed at the orphanage during a cold night. Using Mokuba's company shares to take over Gozaburo once and for all. Mokuba looking up at him and smiling, his brother telling him he loved him. When Mokuba was jumping on his bed in fits of laughter. Making chocolate chip cookies but it never made it in the oven because they ate the dough. Spending the day in Mokuba's bed watching movies.

Jounouchi and Mokuba playing video games at home. He felt himself smile as Jounouchi's tongue lolled out of his mouth in deep concentration. His brother and the blond spending time looking over recipe books. Jounouchi humming as Mokuba ate cake mix when the other wasn't looking. Mokuba sitting on a dirt bike while Jounouchi indicated and gestured what to do until the bike lurched forwards and both boys yelled. Jounouchi throwing his arms in the air as he screamed while running after him his brother until Mokuba toppled over. He sent Mokuba to bed and walked Jounouchi out the door. They both stood awkwardly until he grabbed the blond hand and kissed him on the cheek and asked him to come by soon.

The memories altered. Kaiba vehemently curse the blond as he violently shook him. Jounouchi eyes full of hurtful. Anger and madness boiled his blood and the brunette punched him, unable to look at him anymore. Such a deep feeling of pain an immense urge to be alone suffocated him. The brunette kept pushing Jounouchi away, taunting and jeering at him. Kaiba had continued viciously and rabidly until Jounouchi became a silhouette and turned into a shadow.

Distorted memories loss it's corrupted nature. Kaiba watched Friday night movies with Mokuba, but when he looked over to his smiling brother he disappeared and faded. The nights he spent cuddle next to Mokuba, his black hair tickling his nose until his brother vanished and he held only himself to sleep. Looking up as his brother insisted he tried the Californian roll and was gone as suddenly as he appeared. Asking Mokuba how his day went after picking him up from school but he was only talking to himself in the limo. Putting Mokuba to bed, but only patting an empty bed. The two cups of hot chocolate that became only one. Wiping his brothers eyes only to find he was wiping his own.

Everything changed and Kaiba understood.

He was alone.

Mokuba had died five months ago.

When Kaiba became conscious again, Jounouchi had been rocking him back and forth, his own sobs mixed with his own. He noticed the blond was hiccupping and heaving breathes deeply in his chest.

Opening his eyes, Mokuba sat besides them, a small timid smile on his lips. Shyly he looked up to Kaiba and chuckled softly. For a moment they stared at each other. Finally Mokuba reached over to him and wiped the tears on his face and kissed him on his cheek. When he pulled away, he smiled beautifully to him.

_I love you._

A loud sob strangled from his throat.

Jounouchi's clear amber eyes held his own, the molten amber igniting a new sense of courage within him.

"Don't leave me, Jounouchi."

The blond kissed his temple, the boy's fingers running through his hair soothingly. An almost inaudible hum filled the car.

"I'm here. I was always here."

Anger rushed him suddenly. Wasn't it enough that he has buried his parents? He'd been used and taken advantage by his extended family. Once they'd had enough of him, they sent him to the orphanage. He lived through his stepfather. He'd lived and he had survived him. Now, life had the balls, the audacity, to take the only thing he lived for?

He gripped Jounouchi's arm tightly. Unaware of the pain he inflicted.

He almost wanted to laugh. Life couldn't take anything else from him anymore. He had _nothing._ He was bled dry.

Mokuba put his hand on top of his own and Kaiba couldn't help but stare at it for a long moment before he let go of the blonds' limb. His brother gave him a long hard look and shook his head.

"Kaiba?" The brunette turned his head slightly, acknowledging Jounouchi.

He watched as Mokuba looked up to Jounouchi. A smile plastered on his face, admiration in his eyes.

It was silent for a long moment. The sniffles from the blond went unnoticed by Kaiba.

"What happened five months ago?" The blond voiced once again.

The world didn't tilt this time.

There were no alterations.

There were no glitches.

Gozaburo ceased to exist.

He was left with only the memory he'd suppressed. The one thing he didn't want to accept.

"Mokuba…" The said boy looked up at Kaiba, slight worry in his eyes. "…He was killed."

In a memory he knew wasn't real, Gozaburo had tied Mokuba down in a chair as he proceeded to shoot Mokuba every time he gave him a wrong answer. His younger brother had been shot in the legs; the shoulder, foot and then Gozaburo had taken a knife to cut down his arms.

He had bled to death while Kaiba had watched, unable to do anything.

These old memories where pushed aside and a new memory, a clear crisp image of what truly happened played in his head like a movie.

Going to school one morning, Mokuba had died in a car accident.

Kaiba was truly alone now.

"I'm here Seto," Jounouchi continued to rub circles on the brunettes back while he ran his fingers through his hair.

"He's gone." His grip tightened around the taller boy as he heard the repeated chaotic murmurs.

"Seto, look at me."

The brunette's unfocused eyes looked toward his voice.

"Look at me."

Slowly the blue eyes focused on him. His eyes were red and swollen. The blond put his head against the other and closed his eyes. He let out a large breath he forgot he was holding. His hands rested besides Kaiba's face preventing him from turning away from him.

He pulled back a little and wiped away the tears on the boy's cheeks. Timidly, he brought their lips together.

"Keep holding."

The brunette brought Jounouchi in a hug and rested his head in the crook of the blond neck.

"Hold onto me."

When no words formed in his mouth, he pressed his lips against the boy's neck.

Jounouchi's arms wrapped around him snuggly and for the first time in a long time, Kaiba finally felt at ease.

He closed his eyes hoping the moment would last a lifetime.


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for sticking through to the end…even if this wasn't all love and butterflies. This was an after-though, to ease a little bit of tension from the first chapter.  
>Thank you so much for the reviews and hits! I understand it was...very dissociated-was meant to be. Hope the confusion made you feel a little bit of what Kaiba was feeling.<p>

"Keep Holding On" Avril Laving.

**Keep Holding On **

Kaiba ran his fingers along the scar on his arm. It had never faded and he thought it was a way for him to keep track of reality.

The nature of the scar remained everything, and the only thing he did not want to remember. He had sustained it when he had tried to pull Mokuba out from the wreckage so many years ago. The precise moment it happened or how it happened remained a mystery to him.

He accepted that.

There were certain things he couldn't avoid and there were certain things he couldn't escape in life.

Mokuba's room remained as it had been after his death. Moving had been out of the question since his brothers voice and shadow often kept him company inside the house. He worried that if he moved; the memory of him would remain grounded in that house and wouldn't follow him.

It had been a long process but psychologically, the only way for him to cope was to hold onto Mokuba. He knew there was nothing quite _right_ about having conversations with his dead brother or seeing him around the house. There was nothing people could say or do to take Mokuba away and he would always hold on to him. He would hold on to his baby brother until he died. It would be the only way for him to make it through.

A hand grasped his own and Seto was surprised for a moment. The hand that held his was warm and comforting. He squeezed it back in return.

It had been seven years sine Mokuba died. They had been long hard years, but he had survived so far. His sanity had often been questionable, but the fact remained that he was breathing and alive.

His thoughts paused a moment. He was alive. It wasn't the superficially sustenance of the words.

His body turned, craving the person next to him. He was pulled in a hug, the other boys head snuggled in his neck. His cold nose giving him goose bumps as it pressed fondly against his skin.

There were two things in life Kaiba had learned. There was breathing and then there was being _alive_.

He had fallen victim to death once and he would not again. He had elapsed once more to death a long time ago but had remained strong since.

To be alive for him meant seeing the other boy.

It meant seeing Jounouchi.

It was staying strong because _he_ was there for him.

He had long ago, stopped giving into Gozaburo. The darkness was no longer threatening. The death of darkness would no longer retain him. Death would no longer suffocate him.

Being alive meant he had something to breathe for.

"Seto," the boy murmured against his skin.

The taller boy's hand held Jounouchi's neck, keeping the shorter boy against him before he could pull away. He smiled into the blond hair as he heard the content sigh.

Jounouchi had remained strong at his side.

Kaiba has tried everything to push him away. At one point, he had been so determined to get the other boy to leave; he'd taken to drinking, like Jounouchi's father. It was a couple of months after he succumbed to the bottle that the brunette has learned he has been a violent drunk.

He held Jounouchi a little tighter.

What if, all those years ago, he would have pushed Jounouchi over the edge? What would have become of him?

"You stubborn fool." He captured the boy's lips with his own.

The brunette's heart ached when the other smiled during the kiss.

For the rest of his life, he would need to make it up to him. How else could he atone for all the offenses against the person he loved?

"I never give up at anything." A fierce passion laced Jounouchi's voice.

"I still beat you in duels."

"Seto, I let you win."

The brunette laughed loudly. He kissed his partner again.

He knew with him by his side, he could make it through, as long as he kept holding on.


End file.
